Louie Lila, come in, you look troubled.
Lila I am. . . Jeff fucked up again.
Louie I warned you about that Mick, what did he do now?
Lila He confused your tax service with a Russian one.
Louie I am well aware of those Russkie imposters-they used my name and even doubled the pay of one of my workers. Stupid kid could be bought off for $20 an hour.
Lila You’re only paying your tax guys $10 an hour?
Louie Gotta cut costs. . .
Lila Yeah, like who else would drive a Mercedes with armor plating in that part of Brooklyn?
Louie Well, it’s cheaper and less likely to be bought off than bodyguards.
Lila Are things that bad?
Louie Yes, they are. Can’t trust anyone outside of family anymore.
Lila I have trouble trusting my husband.
Louie He may be a complete clutz, but I don’t see him cheating on you or ratting the family out to the feds.
Lila That is true. He’s broken every piece of that china set Aunt Gina got me for our wedding.
Louie I know, $12,000 in the garbage.
Lila You can add the $900 he lost in refund money to the Russkies. I may need help paying the rent.
Louie I’ll pay a visit to your landlord.
Lila No bats this time!
Louie Ok, no bats, no tire irons, no chains. . .
Lila Have you ever not used force to get your way?
Louie A few times, not that long ago, I met one of my rivals who ratted guys out to the feds. I gave him an umbrella.
Lila Did you hit him with it?
Louie No, but he didn’t live long after he used it.
Lila You gave the poor schmuck a poisoned umbrella?
Louie Not when you put it like that. . .
Lila I wonder how I could be related to you, to all of this?
Louie Lila, your parents loved you. Your father did everything he could for his baby girl. And when they died in that wreck on the Belt, I took care of you.
Lila Yeah. . raised by a monster.
Louie We’re all monsters inside, Lila, even you. .or dunces.
Lila Only a monster could come up with a poisoned umbrella!
Louie I got the idea from the Russkies. Some KGB goons poisoned a rat in London. I used it to snare a rat in Arizona. The Lufthansa rat.
Lila I thought he died of a heart attack?
Louie That’s the best part, the poison is undetectable. No weapon, no charges. Now if you excuse me, I have some Russians to use this umbrella on. . .When they’re dealt with, I’ll get your $900 back.
Lila Anything for family?
Louie Yes, anything for family.