Holy Apostles Soup Kitchen

How to be a man (or at least create the ideal one!)

In Who, where, how? on August 19, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Vintage-Cooking

This delicious recipe guarantees a decent man who will be there to comfort and protect you and travel this road we call life.  You may adjust how much of the ingredients you want in this recipe or add a little zest of your own!  However, this is a fail proof recipe to ensure the quality of the man.  There may be a lot that has to go into making the ideal man but in the end it is worth it.  Pssst…the secret is in the seasonings!

La recette pour l’homme ideal

–  One Man (from a good stock)

  • This is one part of the recipe that can be attenuated according to needs.  Short/tall, thin-framed/broad-shouldered, brunette/blonde/redhead, zodiac sign, blue/black/green/hazel/grey eyes, etc.  Just make sure he’s breathing!

             -> Author’s side note: Also, look at his mother.  As the old adage goes, if you want your man to treat you like a princess, make sure he was raised by a Queen!

–  One hefty helping of Intelligence (no substitutions!)

  • I’m not talking about Einsteinian intelligence (though I wouldn’t digress from the individual if he was that gifted!).  The ideal man would be an invigorating conversationalist, would have an awesome sense of humor and would be curious about the world around him and ask why things are the way they are.  He would want to solve the problems of the world, not add to them.  Even though he may be right, he lets the opinions of others, like his potential mate, be voiced as to not become arrogant.

             -> Author’s side note: If man becomes too arrogant, discard immediately and start from scratch again.

–  A steady stirring of a job

  • We understand times are tough but we do want a man who takes care of his own, be it emotionally or in this part of the recipe, financially.  Years ago, this recipe produced men who worked nearly as the day was long to provide for his family of six, seven, eight or even more and never went into debt with anyone in doing so.  Today, there are many artificial men that just sit around playing video games all day long and let their parents pay their way through life.  You want to have children with him, not baby him as well!

–  A dash of Classical Romance embedded in a bouquet garni satchet

  • Add this recipe in the hopes that he will surprise you with a bouquet of flowers not only on special days but on days where you cross his mind.  This could be at work, when someone sharing the same elevator wears the same perfume as you do and it immediately brings you to mind.  Tell him of your girlish frivolities so that when he knows of your love of ladybugs, he will surprise you with a ladybug timer he just happened to lay his eyes upon.

             -> Author’s side note: Recipe strictly calls for classical romance, not for a Harlequin one.  Today’s woman is strong and a capable individual – we want a man to romance our minds as well as our bodies.  The tiniest gesture of thoughtfulness will yield great results.  We are not into the Fabio frou-frou universe of rainbows and unicorns.  We want him to still desire us when our hormones have gone haywire, when we have an outbreak of pimples, when we are drenched with perspiration from our flu-induced fever or when his child’s spit-up is on our holey t-shirt.

–  A sprinkle of Compassion and Emotion

  • We want the ideal man to have empathy and to be compassionate to all those that he shares this world with.  We want him to help the homeless and not pass by someone begging for a meal.  We want him to pull over his car and take that cat that another driver had hit to the veterinarian, not run over it as well!  We want him to stay up all night, or at least taking turns, when his child is sick with an earache.  When his woman cries, he will have sympathy for her and ask what is wrong.  And when she says nothing, he will (now this is a tricky part of the recipe!  Pay attention!) not assume that everything is indeed alright, but ask her again after he has held her for a couple of silent moments.

–  A pinch of Masculinity

  • The majority of women today don’t need someone who can rip a phonebook in half.  He doesn’t need to wrestle with crocodiles or wrangle poisonous snakes just to prove he is a man.  We just want someone who complements our femininity.

             -> Author’s side note: I know this part of the recipe does not call for a He-Man but it goes without saying that we do need someone who isn’t timid in certain situations.  When we women are standing on top of our beds because there is a waterbug in the house, screaming fearfully at the top of our lungs, we want our manly men to take care of business, not join in on the hysterics.

–  A clove of Honesty

  • This is another crucial ingredient in making the ideal man.  Relationships cannot flourish on the foundation of lies.  Be upfront about everything because women are oft-forgiving about many situations.

             -> Author’s side note¹: Women have built-in intuition.  We will know when you are lying.  We will know…

             -> Author’s side note²: If you think you can get away with your secret and for a moment believe that she will never find out about it, go back to the previous side note in recipe and repeat.

–  A cup of Faith

  • For the majority of us women, nothing screams sexy than a man humbled by a Higher Power.  A man of faith is strong in the worldly sense but has the common sense to surrender over his fears to GOD.  He is not intimidated or feels himself emasculated when in times of need or loss of sense of direction and purpose he turns to GOD for help.  As another proverb goes, “He who kneels before GOD can stand up to anyone.”

             -> Author’s side note: For comparison, refer to the movie Rocky II when big, beefy boxer Rocky is constantly seen praying and kneeling, not only for a victory in his fight against Apollo Creed but for his comatose wife.

Cook for ­­___ (enter preference of age here) and wait till he turns into a gentleman.  Turn over once for necessary life experiences and take out when it becomes apparent that he is the ideal man for you!  Garnish with love and serve immediately.  Bon appetit! 

By Rosetta Miletti North

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